Looking at Heartbreak through Language and Somatics
伤心 - Shāngxīn
In 2014, I was living in Beijing, China teaching English. During the autumn semester, I suffered a concussion when one of my students ran full speed into my head knocking me out and I was out of work for two weeks recovering. During that span of time, I went to the hospital undergoing tests and trying to find ways to aide in my recovery. Although this recovery took awhile after the initial two weeks as it was my fourth concussion I’ve had, it lead me to meet Dr. Gao, one of my first mentors in Chinese Medicine who I was referred to by a friend.
As I walked into his small clinic, I remember the smell of tie guan yin tea brewing, the plants surrounding the space, the goldfish tank, the long wooden table in the center of the clinic space with chairs surrounding it as he welcomed me in, poured me a cup of tea, I sat down and he asked questions about why I was coming in. When we finished the intake, he took my pulse and I’ll never forget the words that he uttered out of his mouth and those words were the resonance that my spirit needed to hear that I never had the language before to express verbally.
When he pressed down on my wrists, he took a deep breath and said, “姑娘你伤心了 (gūniang nǐ shāngxīn le - You’re heartbroken).” As he said these words, it struck a profound cord within my heart and spirit that pierced through many barriers that I had held previously (I was 24 at the time). Although the impact of these words could be felt and sensed deeply throughout my entire body, mind and spirit, it has taken me close to 11 years to finally start unraveling the multitude of ways that my heart has been broken and continues to break, the sadness within my spirit and the grief that I’ve carried since I was born that has lead me to piece together many intersections of my chronic health conditions.
It has been through these Intersections of language and somatics that have allowed me to gain the subtle cues that my body, mind and spirit have been trying to speak with me about the extent of my heartbreak. In the following section, we will explore the meaning behind 伤心 - shāngxīn and how it can be a guide for us in understanding how heartbreak may show up within us.
伤心 - Shāngxīn
This is the word for heartbreak in Mandarin and contains many meanings that range from feelings of sadness, deep grief, weeping, heart wrenching, being broken-hearted and feeling deeply hurt.
伤 - shāng (first character) by itself relates to an injury, a hurt, feeling distressed, becoming sick with something, developing an aversion to something, experiencing harm or hinder.
心 - xīn (second character) relates to the heart, mind, feeling, intention, center, core or who we are.
When we look at these components within the characters, it gives a more vivid picture of what may be happening when we are experiencing heartbreak. The more that I’ve come to understand heartbreak within myself, others and the patients I see, so much of it relates to an injury and that injury to the heart, the mind, the sensory system, the way it impacts our intention, our center, our core and who we are shifts how we relate to ourselves and the world around us. These injuries can range from being small, micro injuries to big ones. How they impact us varies as we tune into ourselves and our body, mind and spirit and allow them to speak through and within us as they have a language of their own.
How can we begin to navigate and orient ourselves around our heartbreak to gain a deeper understanding of it? While there may not be one clear route, there are several overlapping themes that I see both within Chinese Medicine and Irish Tradition that may be a helpful guide for when we may not have the words to process our heartbreak and need a way through.
Laughter
In Chinese Medicine, laughter is the sound of the Heart. When we engage in laughing, it can start to move things through us that have been stagnant. As the Heart relates to the fire element, it controls the metal element, the element relating to grief. In turn, laughing can allow us space for our tears to flow, an invitation to move and process grief which goes hand in hand in understanding how heartbreak shows up within us.
In the Irish Tradition, when someone has passed away, there were professional wakers whose job it was to engage the grieving group with activities and laughter to help induce crying to allow space for our grief to move through us.
Laughing can look like many ways including watching comedy, spending time with a loved one who you know can bring out laughter within you or placing your hands on your belly and laughing to see what comes about.
Touch
Within Chinese Medicine, the metal element relates to the spirit of the Po. The Po is associated with the autonomic nervous system and is associated with the emotion of grief. When we’re experiencing heartbreak, connection through touch can be so supportive whether that’s through a loved one hugging or holding us, holding a stuffed animal or pillow or cuddling with a pet. All can allow us space to breathe and tune into our bodies, be with our emotions and see how our spirits want to speak through us.
Singing
Singing is the sound of the earth element in Chinese Medicine and relates to the organ systems of the Spleen and Stomach. When we engage with our breath through singing, in a way, we also are engaging our center along with the Lungs and our breath which relates to the Metal Element and the organ systems of the Lungs and Large Intestine. In a gentler way, singing can allow us to cry and release tears and stagnancy that may have been built up through heart break.
In the Irish Tradition, singing is an integral practice in grief work through a traditional singing practice known as keening. The purpose was to allow the grievers to have the capacity to experience their emotions to full capacity and witness them through ritual and ceremony.
Over the last several years, one of the things that has helped me in processing heartache and grief has been singing and learning various Irish songs. Within this last year, this song written by Rose Betts is based on a traditional Irish Blessing called May the Road Rise Up to Meet You. Whenever I read this Irish Blessing in songs, it sends a quiver within me and hits me right in my spirit.
Below the original Irish Blessing below as well as the video for Take This Body Home by Rose Betts.
Irish Blessing
May the road rise up to meet you
May the wind be always at your back
May the sunshine always warm your face,
The rain fall soft upon your fields,
And until we meet again may God hold you in the palm of his hand.
Take This Body Home Music Video with Lyrics
Herbal Medicine:
When we look at herbal medicine support for heartbreak and grief, there are many factors to consider in how herbal medicine can be supportive because it depends on what symptoms show up for us. Below are several of the most common complaints folks express as they’re navigating heartbreak.
Digestive complaints
It is common to have various digestive complaints when we are navigating heartbreak because our center has been thrown off. In Chinese Medicine, our center is our earth which relates to the digestive system (Stomach and Spleen Organ Systems).
Common herbs that can be supportive: ginger, cinnamon, citrus peels and chamomile
Chest pain
When the heartbreak occurs, the area around our physical heart can also constrict causing stagnation which can also be seen as a way to protect our heart from further harm.
Herbs that can be supportive: ginger, safflower, rose, hawthorn, mimosa bark, garlic and cayenne
Headaches
Overthinking and stress from heartbreak can create headaches to occur because the Liver becomes dysregulated and the flow of Qi becomes impacted.
Herbs that can be supportive: mint, vitex fruit and chrysanthemum
Poor Sleep
The Heart in Chinese Medicine houses the Shen which is relates to the Mind. When we’re experiencing heartbreak, sleep can be interrupted because our minds may be cycling through thoughts and emotions trying to process them.
Common herbs that can be supportive: rose, jasmine, mimosa flower, lavender
Fatigue
Prolonged heartbreak that is not tended to can create levels of varying chronic fatigue as it can cause depletion (physical, emotional and spiritual).
Common herbs that can be supportive: astragalus, siberian ginseng, goji berries, jujubes and mulberry
Note: For those looking for more individualized care, you can book an individual herbal consultation with us here.
OTHER SOMATIC AND HERBAL PRACTICES IN TENDING TO HEARTBREAK:
21 Days of Grief Tending: Free Offering
In 21 Days of Grief Tending, we will be exploring the ways that grief shows up within us over a three week period of time. Through self-inquiry practices and guided visual meditations with amber, hawthorn and vervain to all center the use of ritual, we can start to begin to cultivate and look at our own unique relationship with grief. In the self-inquiry practices and building relationships with plant kin to tend to our grief, it allows space for us to witness, see and be held in knowing that we are not along in processing grief and heartache.
If you’re interested in downloading the guidebook, you can click the picture below and it’ll take you to our site.
Grief Support Kit:
Tending and tuning into our emotions allows us to connect with the physical, mental and spiritual aspects of ourselves. This tending takes time to cultivate, understand and learn its language in order to create more space and compassion for ourselves to integrate into our lives.
If you’re interested in learning more, you can click the image below and it’ll take you to our online shop.
